How to speak to children about dementia
How can you have discussions about dementia with young children?
As the school summer holidays begin, many families are spending more time together, which can bring both joy and challenges. When a close family member or friend develops dementia, children and young people may need time to adjust to the news and understand.
Alongside our charity of the year, Alzheimer’s Society, we’re working hard to support people living with dementia across the UK through specialist cleaning services informed by the latest research and a compassionate, expert approach to our work.
There’s no one ‘right thing’ to say to a child to explain dementia and all that comes with it; different children and young people will be reassured and helped by distinctive things.
In this blog post, we’re sharing the top tips advocated by Alzheimer’s Society that may help you speak to a child about dementia.
Explain the changes in behaviour
Perhaps there’s something new that the person with dementia has begun to do. This could include becoming confused about who people are or where they are.
They might feel anxious or frustrated when this happens. That could also affect their behaviour. For example, they might ask repeated questions or become agitated. These changes can be particularly confusing and upsetting for children and young people, so it’s important to talk to children about how dementia is causing these changes in behaviour.
Children might think they’ve done something wrong to cause the changes. Make sure they know they’re not at fault and encourage them to share their thoughts, feelings and questions with you. They might feel embarrassed about some of the things she does. Or they might feel bored or annoyed by repeated questions. Reassure them that it’s OK to feel sad, confused or frustrated.
E.g. ‘Grandma’s illness is making it harder for her to do some things. She might seem different or confused.’
Reassure them about changing relationships
The person with dementia may not be able to do the same things they used to.
Children could feel a mix of loss, anxiety and other emotions as they adjust to this. They might also worry about future changes.
Reassure them that the loved one still loves them and focus on what they can do with them. Emphasise the importance of spending time with the person so they can show them they care. By doing things with the person and talking with them, children are helping to support them.
Answer their questions honestly, using language they’ll understand. Don’t be afraid to use humour if it feels appropriate. Laughing together can help sometimes.
E.g. ‘Even if Grandad doesn’t always remember us, or if he says unkind things sometimes, he still loves us very much.’
Helping to manage emotions
While different children may respond differently to different reassurances, here are a few helpful statements to help explain how they or the person with dementia may be feeling:
- Be honest but gentle: ‘It’s normal to feel sad or upset about the changes in Grandma.’
- Provide support: ‘It’s OK to feel sad, angry or confused. I’m here to help you through it.’
- Encourage questions: ‘If you have any questions or feel worried, you can always talk to me.’
- Highlight the positive: ‘We can still enjoy today and make happy memories with Grandma.’
For particularly young children, using stories may also help them to understand the feelings and information surrounding dementia.
There are several books recognised by Alzheimer’s Society that aim to increase understanding of dementia in younger children.
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If you know someone who is living with dementia, see how we can help to give them a better quality of life for as long as possible by finding your nearest Merry Maids business for a free, no-obligation quote on our services or booking online today.
